Those of us who work in alternative medicine areas have known for a long time that not speaking about our feelings was "bad" for us. We knew that we had to speak up about our feelings in order to have healthy bodies and healthy relationships. But all this honesty within relationships often didn't produce the outcome that we wanted -- and then I discovered why...

I have a dear friend, Freda - a wonderful, generous and special woman who has devoted significant time and money to helping other people. She calls in often to see me. Unfortunately, I had a problem that was getting worse and worse -- I got so that I couldn't stand to be around her. It got so bad that I spoke to my spiritual mentor about it. I couldn't understand it, here was this lovely, warm, good, generous woman and I was really uncomfortable around her, to the point that I didn't want to spend time with her. This un-comfortableness didn't make sense, I didn't want to feel like this and it sure as heck that wasn't who I wanted to be.

At a point when I'd gotten about half way through understanding how other people's unspoken feelings affected the way we react to them (Escalating Upsets again) I got how this made sense of what was going on with Freda and then joyfully told all this to her. Can you imagine what she felt about being told how uncomfortable I had been around her? Can you imagine how she felt about being told that there was stuff she wasn't talking about and that I wasn't talking about, that had me feeling like I didn't want to be around her?

I didn't imagine that at all, though. I'm almost cringing as I'm writing this. I was just obliviously rattling on, dumping all my feelings cheerfully. I was so excited about what I'd discovered, and was feeling so much better in myself. But as I look back now, it certainly wasn't a pleasant experience for Freda. It left her confused and unsure. That was not who I wanted to be.

It certainly points out just how generous a spirit that Freda is that she was even talking to me afterwards!

When we ask these questions,

1. Whose feelings are these?

2. What do I need to know or do about them?

3. Are there any feelings left, do I need to ask these first two questions again?

... then the outcome always fits with "who we want to be". Our soul never gives us a bum steer, never steers us wrong, never sends us in the wrong direction and is absolutely reliable in giving us exactly the outcome necessary to produce what it is that we are looking for.

I had a lovely healing session with Freda just a couple of days ago. She was able to apply these questions to gain insights about strengthening her immune system that are a bit too personal to talk about here. It kind of made up for the jerk that I had been a few weeks earlier.

I am in absolute wonder at all the different ways of applying these magical questions.